H...
is for Heart....the center and core of being
H..is also for Home..
Home is where the heart is..
Home is where our stuff is..
Home can be a Castle, a Mansion,an Apartment, a Condo or a simple cottage in the suburbs.
Home is where we look forward to returning, day after day, to the security and happiness we've created between those four walls and a roof..
Home is FAMILY..children are born, reared,leave the nest to repeat the cycle of having a home of their own.
Home is where we bring our children to visit their grandparents as we return ourselves to become children again..to relive the happiness and innocence of childhood.. if only for a brief interlude..
There comes a time in our lives when HOME can no longer be our sanctuary, becoming a hazard to our health instead. Parents become unable to continue being the strong healthy folks we always see in our minds,instead time has taken its toll on their bodies giving frailty in place of vigor,along with dimming of vision and less than perfect hearing. Time the thief silently steals their abilities and functions, leaving behind diminished capacity for everyday living and memory.
It is at this time of life decisions have to be made for practicality and safety, often with reversal of roles. Adult children try to gently lead their parents by showing examples of assisted living facilities with the hope they will see the advantages of safety, medical and appealing amenities. Some will embrace this new chapter as an adventure of newfound independence, while others will only balk and have to be dragged literally kicking and screaming all the way.
With one partner already having suffered not one fall but two, the final being a broken thighbone, he has not been at home since Easter. It has been hospitals, rehabilitation centers, a brief stint at home where he suffered the last fall... and with each new crisis, and each move, the "Sundown Syndrome" has taken away a bit more of the man we knew. At times he is totally lucid, at others, yelling and screaming that he will check himself out of this hotel and go back home, and still other times where he will call in the wee hours of nightime, pleading , please, someone come to his rescue.. he is so lonely and all alone with only the beeps of machines echoing the loneliness of our once proud Father.
It is with heavy heart that Mom has to make the decision to leave her beautiful home, the heart of her life for forty years, which has now become her prison. She lost both her freedom and independence five years ago when due to failing health, she no longer could drive. Gone then were the carefree days of retirement,luncheons, and committee meetings and church socials. She alone has suffered greatly if not the most. She who is of the generation of the man being the head of the family, In this case, it is a great man who has been supported by a loving spouse, but not from the shadows. She has had her share of the limelight before marriage, and continued to be a partner while also being a known entity of herself. It is with sadness she has reached this point, finally agreeing to and making the decision to join her husband of sixty two years, following the sacred vows of that union as they together, in sickness and health, go into assisted living. It is her heartfelt emotions leading her to believe that by she herself becoming a part of the familiarity of home furnishings and mementos that she can help restore his memory as well as his health.
So, the process begins.. the unit is selected, finances discussed and arranged, and keys are handed over.
We walk through the rooms of their current home, knowing the transfer in thought has already taken place. She points to photos, explaining where and when each was taken. So many memories are contained within these walls, this empty shell of a former home. Lovingly, she chooses items for the "new" place, each with a history; chosen for sentimentality as well as functionality. I listen rapt as she speaks, answering questions and voicing opinions only when asked while making note on the growing list. The hours pass slowly as I follow her through the winding path of her memories . Finally we are done. She is exhausted both mentally and physically.
Over a cups of steaming tea, a meeting with the movers agents is held. In the next several days, selected possessions will be measured and computerized 3-D renderings will finalize their placement; personal items will be boxed and crated, the movers will arrive to load her precious cargo. Unloading and final placement in the new home will occur down to the tiniest detail..clocks will be restarted, beds will be made with fresh linens, mementos back in familiar spaces. Fresh flowers will be placed on the beautifully set table. Everything in its designated place, silently awaiting the return of this loving couple, who in this latest chapter of their lives, restores the heart into the home..only this time..at a new address.
Please join us at Jen's Unglazed for more H words...♥
